As she sat on her couch and stared out at the newly dark night, she couldn’t help but think how quickly darkness had come. Only 15 minutes earlier, she’d walked in from the dusky evening with three weeks worth of mail in her arms. Okay, maybe four weeks. After sorting between trash, things to burn (bills), and expired coupons, she was once again without motivation to do anything productive. Around her chaos in the form of cat debris, shoes, and unorganized junk taunt her. “Pick me up! Throw me way! Vacuum me!” the chaos screams. She just turns away and stares out at the ink colored leaves.

She is tired; mentally, emotionally, and physically. The physical tiredness is mainly due to the mental and emotional marathon she’s been running and despite the 5 hour nap she took that day.

“Why am I anxious?” she says aloud to herself (and her Twitter account.)

“How am I going to make my clients happy? How am I going to make my department productive, efficient, proud, and happy- without them hating me? How am I going to make my bosses happy and still maintain my dignity and assert myself  and show that I am in control? How am I going to lose this weight? How am I going to feel if I never hear anything? Is everything going okay with the Springfield Leas’s and home construction with Dad? When can I take some time off and will I feel better if I do? Am I going to be able to save enough money for a down payment? Will I find a house that I want to buy? Did I choose money and power over health and family? How will it all turn out?”

From the outside, she’s a girl staring out a window.

2 thoughts on “From the Outside”

  1. There’s still time to change the path you’re on. But know that no matter what you may or may not have sacrificed, you’ve gained so much from other areas. Hell, you have me don’t you!

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