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Posts Tagged ‘rebirth’

  1. Holes

    October 13, 2010 by Blondette

    Just a quick update because you care…

    I have another sinus infection and breathing is hard. I earned myself a referral to an ENT due to the number of sinus infections I’ve had in the past year. I’m back on Cipro to clear the infection. I’ve taken to eating comfort foods so I was slightly horrified at the numbers on the scale at the doctor’s office.

    But, speaking of holes – how bout those miners in Chile? I don’t have pretty words for it, but I’m so happy for the miners, their families, and Chile to see that those men have been reunited with their families ABOVE GROUND. I wonder what was harder, the first 24 hours they were down there, or the last 24?


  2. July 29, 2010 by Blondette

    Until yesterday, I’d never cried on an airplane. In fact, I try to keep crying, particularly crying in public, to a minimum. It embarrasses me and the shame and awkwardness I feel is just unnecessary when I already feel shame and awkwardness due to my weight. I went through a phase where nothing reached me and I simply did not feel that burning leap that comes with the rush of whatever happy or sad emotion generates the crying response. And then it was back. And it was really back. So back that very small things would bubble up. In fact, I can’t card shop at Hallmark these days without welling up (I’m not kidding here, just so you know.)

    On that flight I came to realize that I’m depressed. Officially and completely, depressed. The signs and symptoms have been around for months, but I’ve been trying to slog through them and for whatever reason, I am simply no longer able to “slog.” If I’m not sad, I’m angry. If I’m not angry, I’m anxious. I have no motivation to keep a clean house or make myself presentable. It’s some sort of miracle that I’ve kept any momentum on eating healthier and exercising given my motivation issues. I can only hope this means that the worst has come and I’m pulling out of the trance because I’m doing something to save myself.

    So now, I look to my family, friends, God, and I turn inward…and I take Xanax.


  3. The More They Stay the Same

    June 17, 2010 by Blondette

    I ended up starting a new blog for all of my “I’m soo fat! *waaaah waaaah waaahh*” posts. On it, I actually will talk about my continued quest to eat healthy and figure out how to incorporate exercise back into my life. Here’s the URL: http://fatladykatie.wordpress.com/

    It’s the busy season at work (yes, I know it’s always busy, but this is the busiest!) so I’m doing a lot more traveling and pulling longer (yes, it’s possible) hours than usual. I struggled earlier this year with balance and motivation. As I approach my 30th birthday I spend more time evaluating my goals and the current state of my life. I’ve devoted my twenties to my career, but I also know that as a woman, the longer I wait to fulfill my other goals/dreams of having a family, the harder it will be to fulfill them. It’s scary. It’s scary to think that I may never have those other things and that I will have to seek purpose and joy from my career alone. I’m pretty sure the consistent weight gain of the past 7 months is directly correlated to my stress over my life evaluation. I stop and wonder “who’s going to want me?” It depresses me so I put it out of my mind and focus on something else – thus avoiding the problem all together.

    So, what do you do readers? How do you face the music?

    Also, I’m blonde again.


  4. When I Was a Dave Matthews Band Fangirl

    October 3, 2009 by Blondette

    I was just watching DMB (Dave Matthews Band) on Austin City Limits and it’s the first time since the death of LeRoi Moore than I’ve watched the band. I was DEVOTED to this band through college. I drove to Chicago, Nashville, St. Louis to see them. (doesn’t sound so impressive when I see it typed out- but keep in mind I drove those distances alone in my little Saturn…yeah, still not that impressive.) I thought about trips to further destinations but time and money were factors.

    I connected with the music. The lyrics, the rhythm, the melody the emotion.

    My first real exposure was when my flute teacher gave me a cassette tape of Crash so I could listen to the sax. (“LeRoi Moore on the saxophone!”) It was cool, but I wasn’t hooked at that point. Sometime in college I started to listen to them more and then I had a neighbor who was a bit of a fanboy and my crush on him didn’t hurt my growing like for the band. He showed me new ways to get the music, a community of people who followed the band, and then it was pretty much settled: I was a Dave Matthews Band fangirl.

    I waded into the forums and eventually became a well-known top poster. I met people from the boards at the shows. I got very close with several people throughout the time. In fact today, I am still in contact with some of the people I met through the boards. I know of several marriages and relationships that were formed through the boards and meet-ups that occurred. People  found their best friends and soulmates because of the Internet and The Dave Matthews Band.

    I devoured anything Dave Matthews or Dave Matthews Band. I had stickers on my car. I had all of the music, including the things you could only get online or from other sources. Rare tune or show, got it. One of the great things about DMB was their openness to sharing live recordings of their music. It’s how they spread. In the community, you were elite if you were pals with or were a taper.

    There were levels of fans; real fans with live shows quoting date and location and then there were the Crash girls- the stereotype frat boys and sorority girls. There is a stereotype associated with DMB fans: pot smoking, drunks. While it’s true that there are some people who fit this mold (yes, I meant to leave out the “u”), a lot of the fans are just your everyday (hahaha) folks going to school and work.

    But I tell you, I knew people of all ages, backgrounds, and income level and they were all in it for the same reason I was: they connected with the music. Some people outgrew the music and the band. That’s okay. What they didn’t out grow was the other fans.

    Somewhere along the road of the past 3 years I’ve lost a few things; my workout routine and DMB included. I still get that jolt when I hear DMB on the radio, my iPod, or in a store but they don’t dominate my music listening habits.

    I’ve never felt the need to meet the band, in fact, it kind of scared me. If I ever did I’d likely say thanks for making music because it brought me a connection to people I wouldn’t have known. It made me part of a community. It gave my emotions melody.


  5. The Truths We Face

    May 26, 2009 by Blondette

    Last night I stayed up far too late in order to finish a book. It wasn’t because I liked the book; in fact, I felt it was twice as long as it needed to be. No, I wanted resolution. An ending.

    Don’t we all want resolution? It keeps me up at night. (well duh)

    I found pieces of myself in the flawed characters of the book. The girl who was raped and couldn’t bare to be touched; or if she was, completely disconnected from her body (no, I was never raped); the alcoholic mom (I’m not a mom) who struggled to face her truth. I’m struggling with the possibility of this truth. The kids stuck in the middle. The friend who’s been through it all and just wants to help. I spent the book just wanting to yell at the characters to figure it the hell out. Say it out loud. Face it. Own it. Strangely, I’m quite good at owning and facing my flaws. I was each one of those characters. It could be why I didn’t like the book but will remember it.

    I believe in some ways I’ve been grieving. Sounds odd, but it’s true. I’ve also used things to mask reality and cope with the truths I did not want to face about myself, my life, and everything that I cannot control. I stripped myself of some of these masks.

    I think people who move a lot as children share a common trait. We all have an itch and an intense need to ponder “where next?” This restlessness keeps us on edge; always waiting for the end; always waiting for the next time we have to adapt. We wait for people to stop caring and have an ability to close part of ourselves off and walk away. It’s not because we don’t truly care; it’s because we have to protect ourselves somehow.

    We are who we are. We live our choices. We must accept our truths but must not limit ourselves by them.


  6. Slogans

    April 11, 2009 by Blondette

    On my way to pick up a salad for lunch today, I started thinking about my slogan and tag line. Currently, it’s “a girl in sales and marketing” which is in tribute to the song-spiration for my domain name. But, I don’t actually blog post about sales or marketing. One could argue that of course I don’t need to blog post about sales and marketing because the blog is about me, the girl. The girl in sales and marketing. (and come on, I spend 12+ hours of my day on sales and marketing already)

    Anyhow, it got me thinking, “to what would I change my slogan/tag line?” Here are a few of the ideas:

    • Big, Beautiful and Blonde
    • Making Blonde Smart
    • Because Blonde is Awesome and So Am I (okay actually I just made this up because I couldn’t remember what I thought up earlier)
    • Not all Blondes are Tiny
    • The Life of Katie Leas
    • Where Blonde Meets ___
    • Geeking Up the Peroxide Factor
    • The Dirty Side of Blonde

    There were two that were actually good that I, of course, cannot remember. This is the problem with being creative while driving- you can’t write things down!

    I decided to see if the Internet would help me with my quest- so I hunted down my two favorite time wasting sloganizers.

    1. http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi?
    2. http://www.sloganizer.net/en/

    Here’s what they came up with:

    • “Naughty, but Tremenous Blondette.” This came up a few times which is a bit frightening. I’m a reformed lady!
    • “For the Tremendous Blondette You Don’t Yet Know.”
    • “8 Out of 10 Owners who Expressed a Preference said Their Cats Preferred Tremendous Blondette.” Back to that cat lady thing.
    • “Tremendous Blondette Unscripted.”
    • “The Tremendous Blondette with the Hole.”  Is a comment really needed for this?
    • “The Tremendous Blondette Goes Straight to Your Head.”
    • “A Day Without Tremendous Blondette is a Day Without Sunshine.”  So true.

    So, what are your suggestions?


  7. 3 Months and 1 Week Ago

    April 5, 2009 by Blondette

    …I gave up booze and every day I am living a dual reality. I get up, go to work, come home. (Sometimes I go to the grocery store or Target on the way.) In one world, I’m bright, capable and in control. In the other world, I’m lonely and relearning how to live. My weaknesses and mistakes have lead me somewhere that I’m afraid to leave and in which I’m afraid to be trapped.

    I’m still trying to figure out how to be this person and this is likely to be a topic for while yet (that’s my way of saying,
    “get used to it–I figure things out through writing and guess where I write?”) There are some things that I can’t help thinking had to happen (bad things-things that make me hurt everyday-yay pain! oh wait, no, pain sucks), but I also have this Buffy-like hope that doing the right thing and making amends with the world will somehow set everything right again. And yes, I’m referring to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I’ve been watching nearly every day on Hulu. I’m hoping her ass-kicking will help motivate me to get off of my ass. Wouldn’t it be great if I channeled all of my road rage and angsty “I’m so lonely, what have I done?” life-transition energy into something like working out? What a great idea!