Dear Jen Lancaster!
This is officially my second letter to you, though I dedicated a very important discourse to you earlier this week. I sincerely hope you approve and were not entirely grossed out or offended. (I know you are very “polite” about the human body and its functions – unless it involves getting “strongs” or making like a fish.)
In your book, Bitter is New Black, you taught everyone a very important lesson about proper purse etiquette. I’ve always been a fan of purses. In high school, I had a burgundy purse that closely resembled a camera bag. Then there was the brown suede just a tiny bit bigger than a clutch purse – with fringe. It was fun to pet. Several years ago, I learned the importance of “rotating” purses. Every time my best friend Tammi gets a new purse, she “moves in,” immediately transferring the contents of the newly-old purse to the new purse and relegating the newly-old purse to the backseat of the car.
I feel that the people we choose to love and envelop in every aspect of our lives – soul mates, best friends, children - the people who “like us just as we are” – also make us want to be better people (maybe because they don’t expect it.) I’ve been known to like people who don’t cut me slack. (Okay, they cut me slack sometimes, but for the most part, they push me to excel whether it be in housekeeping, acts of kindness, or handbag etiquette.) And that last point, that is what brings me to the point of my second letter to you. I figured if my BFF and I are going to convince you to come to Kansas City for your next book reading/tour, then you need to know a little bit about us and our purse habits – and you need to like us, just as we are.
*Okay, I’m going to admit that my attention span wandered right about here (well, actually I started another letter and wrote some terrible poetry on my FatLadyKatie blog) and I Googled for a bit, then I landed on http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/. Oh my. The images.*
Anyhow, from Tammi and April (Tammi’s older sister and my pseudo-sister, also a connoisseur of purses and knitting bags) I learned about proper compartmentalization. I also learned the rule of rotating. You must rotate your purse every month (or 3 months.) This keeps the purse fresh and seasonal. I find that much like moving my furniture, it clears my chi and I suddenly feel more energetic.
Without Tammi and April, I would still be carrying around a free Victoria’s Secret purse full of Diet Dr. Peppers and pizza (THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE!) People can still play “What’s in Katie’s Purse” but the results are less interesting (and less perishable) these days. Just know that my brother is an Eagle scout and I lived around the “be prepared” motto for 18 years. This will work well if I ever find someone to knock me up and make it legal.
Gosh, I have carried on as though we are old buddies! If blog stalking letter writing is like dating I can’t expect to get anywhere until after the third letter and I should probably be walking you to your door.
Now, I really must thank you for the lovely evening. I’ll call you tomorrow.**
Goodnight and may the Ambien be with you!
Katie Leas
P.S. Please do not sue me. I have 3 cats who scratch me when they are hungry. They’re generally very nice to me, but I’m pretty sure they’d eat me if they had to.
** I will not really call you because that’s creepy.
