I’ve lived in attached housing for past 4 years. Though I now pay a mortgage instead of monthly rent, I still share walls with other people. For the most part, I don’t hear much from either side. Occasionally, I hear the click click of high heels on floor, or children wailing (only happened once.) That said, there are several things I hope my neighbors never hear from me.
- Me, screaming in pain or from being startled by a cat. This happens at least once a week. They have sharp little claws and they know impaling me with them will get me to stop what I’m doing and focus on them.
- Blowing my nose – because I blow it loud and proud and sound sort of like an elephant. It’s a cute thing I get from my dad.
- Farting. Whether on the can or off. I fart. A lot. Sorry, but it’s true. My whole family on my mom’s side has colon things and/or weird food allergies. I tend to eat a lot of fiber to make sure I keep my colon as healthy as possible. Fiber results in farts. Ask Brian.
- My cats yowling. Mainly Oliver. He’s a snowshoe which is a breed known for being “talkative.”
- Me yowling in reply back at my cats. Okay, this is 99% Oliver and he requires vocal communication to locate the party. aka, me. aka, the other two cats because they all tend to want to be in the same room as me, particularly if it’s bed time, meal time, shower time, or potty time. Yes, cats are weird.
- My music/tv/appliances. I don’t want to be rude! But sometimes a girl’s gotta groove!
- My smoke alarms/detectors. I have 5 in my house. They chirp every minute if the battery is low. It’s usually at 3 or 4am and requires me to get on a ladder in my underwear half asleep. In the case of the one in my bedroom, it requires me on a ladder with a stick because it’s so high up that I can’t reach it without a stick and even then, I have to do some jimmying magic. (and tweet and Facebook about it) I had to ask my brother to re-attach the damn thing when he was here, (and even he had to stand on the top allowed rung of the ladder!) because there was no way the stick was going to reattach the wires and spin the thing back in place. Thanks again Brian.
There are things I’m okay with my neighbors hearing. If I’m yelling during a major televised sporting event, that’s cool if they hear it. It proves I have interests and a life and I’m well rounded and not just a girl who buys makeup and hangs out on the internet. It might also show them we have something in common if they are watching the same sporting event. We might bond! I also don’t care if they hear the vacuum cleaner or shop vac. I always wait until at least 10am and never vac after 10pm, but it lets them know I’m a mature adult. Shush. So, maybe I just bought the vacuum last weekend, but I totally had one (2, usually broken) at my apartment. And don’t forget the shopvac.
