Dear Public Restroom Users,
I previously let everyone on my blog know about the public service I provided to the women who share the four stalls in a building I frequent. Yes, I put my SHOES in mortal peril to help my fellow woman. (I had to bury my pretty red pumps after our rain of sewage summer. Tell Tupac hi!)
But ladies, seriously. We need to have an honest chat here.
I write to you because, well, someone has to tell you how nasty you are and someone has to teach you so you can stop being nasty.
The entire roll of shit streaked soggy toilet paper you left last night? Yeah, someone had to clean that up. All because you do not know the art of the mid-crap flush. If it is a marathon, you must understand how to let the plumbing pace itself. It will explode if you shove the whole roll of paper, along with your dung, down the hole at one time. This is why you flush several times throughout the process. You won’t be able to see your work under the mountain of Charmin (okay, not Charmin but it’s 2-ply!) so don’t worry, just flushy. This is also not the time to think about water conservation.
I’m not judging your diet – because these calls of nature happen to everyone. I am judging your lack of consideration. I have nothing but respect for people in housekeeping and custodial jobs. (and parents) These people see human nature – and its leavings.
Show your fellow restroom users, and the people who keep it clean and user friendly some respect. Check your surroundings before you leave the stall. Did you sprinkle when you tickled? Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie! Did you dribble when you doodled? Dash out and get a swig of soap on a wet paper towel and de-doody the area. Did you get some other bodily fluid somewhere in the stall? (the wall, the floor, the pedestal?) By golly clean up after yourself! Would you dirty your own bathroom the same way?
The reason people dislike public restrooms is precisely because people make them nasty, unfriendly places.
And I dedicate this letter to Jen Lancaster – who fearlessly calls neighbors and sorority sisters on their shit.
Respectfully Yours,
Katie Leas
