RSS Feed

  1. Gone Samplin

    September 29, 2010 by Blondette

    “Boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses!”

    The first line of a short story my mom wrote popped into my head this afternoon as I was pondering my new “annoyance” prescription. I am very slightly, like almost non-existently, near sighted. In fact, I was told my main issue is due to muscle fatigue and re-activeness. And you know what causes it? The 8, 10, 12, 14 hours a day I look at a computer screen and/or read a book. My love of nerdery and words is making me blind. I guess I may as well hit up every Passion Party in town!*

    *non-Catholics may not get this joke. It’s okay. We’ll be over here judging you and feeling guilty.

    Category blah blah, humor | Tags: , , | No Comments

  2. Vingettes: A Letter to Public Restroom Users

    September 28, 2010 by Blondette

    Dear Public Restroom Users,
    I previously let everyone on my blog know about the public service I provided to the women who share the four stalls in a building I frequent. Yes, I put my SHOES in mortal peril to help my fellow woman. (I had to bury my pretty red pumps after our rain of sewage summer. Tell Tupac hi!)

    But ladies, seriously. We need to have an honest chat here.

    I write to you because, well, someone has to tell you how nasty you are and someone has to teach you so you can stop being nasty.

    The entire roll of shit streaked soggy toilet paper you left last night? Yeah, someone had to clean that up. All because you do not know the art of  the mid-crap flush. If it is a marathon, you must understand how to let the plumbing pace itself. It will explode if you shove the whole roll of paper, along with your dung, down the hole at one time.  This is why you flush several times throughout the process. You won’t be able to see your work under the mountain of Charmin (okay, not Charmin but it’s 2-ply!) so don’t worry, just flushy. This is also not the time to think about water conservation.

    I’m not judging your diet – because these calls of nature happen to everyone. I am judging your lack of consideration. I have  nothing but respect for people in housekeeping and custodial jobs. (and parents) These people see human nature – and its leavings.

    Show your fellow restroom users, and the people who keep it clean and user friendly some respect. Check your surroundings before you leave the stall. Did you sprinkle when you tickled? Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie! Did you dribble when you doodled? Dash out and get a swig of soap on a wet paper towel and de-doody the area. Did you get some other bodily fluid somewhere in the stall? (the wall, the floor, the pedestal?) By golly clean up after yourself! Would you dirty your own bathroom the same way?

    The reason people dislike public restrooms is precisely because people make them nasty, unfriendly places.

    And I dedicate this letter to Jen Lancaster – who fearlessly calls neighbors and sorority sisters on their shit.

    Respectfully Yours,

    Katie Leas

    Category blah blah, Letters to Jen Lancaster | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

  3. Dear Jen Lancaster – A Letter

    September 21, 2010 by Blondette

    Dear Jen Lancaster,

    This is my very sad attempt to get you to come to Kansas City, Missouri on your next book tour. Or the Kansas side, but I recommend the Missouri side because I won’t have to drive as far. But our friends at Rainy Day Books host a lot of author events and I will drive for you. (but not to St. Louis because I-70 kind of sucks.)

    1. We’re better than St. Louis (which you’ve visited)
    2. We have lots of smoked, BBQ meats. (Some of them in gas stations. gas station meat – isn’t that alluring?)
    3. We have me and my BFF, Tammi and we did not win the Stennifer BFF contest. *frown*
    4. I might have to pull a John C. Mayer on you until you get me banned in Google. (Ask William A. Shatner how it feels.)
    5. We have a lot of delicious cupcakes.

    I’d like to see you in person so I know that you really do exist. Just like Santa Claus and Giant Talking M&Ms. And I want proof because I want empirical evidence that there is a chance in Hell that a Midwestern girl can write her way to never having to apologize for cat puke, bad jokes, whining, and a preoccupation with her hair- that in fact, instead of apologizing, she will entertain (and not weird out) anyone who happens to read her blog.

    So, I’m taking a page out of your book (ha! should I say pages?) and writing you a letter. (and I’ll keep writing)

    Sincerely,

    Katie Leas, not a creepy fan

    Category Letters to Jen Lancaster | Tags: , | 2 Comments

  4. I FUCKING DID IT! William A. Shatner

    September 20, 2010 by Blondette

    I John C. Mayered William A. Shatner. It was a warm September day. And I yelled like a banshee.

    FUCK YEAH!  Win.

    (and sorry for the profanity, Oma)

    William A. Shatner Being John C Mayered

    This is so full of win. I feel like I achieved greatness.

    Category blah blah, humor | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

  5. William A. Shatner aka James T. Kirk Please Meet John C. Mayer

    September 19, 2010 by Blondette

    ***UPDATE***Don’t worry, we’re still John C. Mayering the man, William A. Shatner.

    So, as I was ever so casually obsessively Googling, William A. Shatner, I happened upon Wil Wheaton’s blog posts about WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER. (Oh William A. Shatner. Double profanity in your name. I couldn’t ask for more.) I felt the need to link to Wil Wheaton’s posts because I was so sad for him. (and I totally crushed on him when he did The Big Bang Theory and kicked Sheldon’s ass in his TNG days.)

    Wil Wheaton, I dedicate this John C. Mayering of William A. Shatner to you. (Wil, Please guest on The Big Bang Theory again.)

    ——

    Is it true? Surely someone has tried to John C. Mayer Captain James T. Kirk, aka William A. Shatner! Right? Shameful. For those who are lost as to what it is to John C. Mayer, you must see hit Urban Dictionary and MommyWantsVodka and then hop on back over here like you’re James T. Kirk, aka William A. Shatner hopping star galaxies in your spliff spaceship.

    Why pick James T. Kirk, aka William A. Shatner to John C. Mayer? Well, let’s see:

    1. James T. Kirk, aka William A. Shatner has survived for decades to entertain. It is right to pay him tribute.
    2. James T. Kirk, aka William A. Shatner has the past tense of one of the most prolific cuss words as the root of his last name. (“shat” = past tense of “shit”)
    3. William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk, put out a CD. In fact, my friend almost crashed her car listening to it. Because William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk, is not a musical genius, but sure is funny.
    4. William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk, was Denny on “Boston Legal,” not to be confused with the HOT Denny on Grey’s Anatomy. (rest in peace!) (By-the-way, William A. Shatner? aka James T. Kirk…Denny himself, Jeffery Dean Morgan was John C. Mayered too, so you’re in good company.) Also, I use the same WordPress theme as the blogger who John C. Mayered JDM for my alterego, (SEE WE ALL HAVE THEM – altergeos…like William A. Shatner has James T. Kirk!) Also, since I’ve digressed, I’m not a Hilary Swank fan but P.S. I love you, featuring Jeffrey Dean Morgan hurt so good to watch. Because it was just full of manly, rugged hot men and it made me cry. Just like William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk.
    5. Dude. In the Year 3000. William A. Shatner (aka James T. Kirk) well played.
    6. I’m trying to take a page from James T. Kirk, aka William A. Shatner and not think too hard. Just do! (like all the chicks he banged over the span of the show.)
    7. William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk, is starring in the TV version of Shit My Dad says. And I love shit that dude’s dad says. And Twitter.
    8. James T. Kirk, aka William A. Shatner, played with tribbles (The Trouble with Tribbles) and they look fun.
    9. Picture it:  William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk and John C. Mayer – The Album! O YES!

      John C Mayer O Face

      See, John C Mayer got an O just thinking about singing with William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk

    Before you sue me, William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk, please note I mean you no harm. I simply seek to marry two things I love:  SEO and a little blogging fun. William A.  Shatner, aka James T. Kirk, YOU are a national treasure. Even though you are Canadian. I forgive you and I like maple leaves.

    On a prankster note, I’d love to see someone John C. Mayer Facebook. Yes, I said it. Can you bring down Facebook in Google? Do it. I so dare you. Cuz I’m not gonna try, because I’ve got William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk to work on.

    And me, Katie Leas. Because I’m narcissistic and elitist like William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk – in a nice way.

    William A. Shatner, aka James T. Kirk is AWESOME

    Damn right, yo. (I pulled the image from a Google image search and found it on this blog: http://studiodave.blogspot.com/2006_08_01_archive.html

    Category blah blah, humor | Tags: , , , | 3 Comments

  6. Vacation Day Two

    September 8, 2010 by Blondette

    Today I awoke with one goal:  plan meals.

    I use a few sites* to find ideas and inspiration to not just eat the same old things. Sometimes you need help sparking your brain and steering away from the easy food ruts (i.e. Chipotle and Subway.)

    I’m also trying to get away from the frozen meals for lunch. You know, in a convenient box, plastic, ice crystals, NOT FILLING. Yep. A little time in the kitchen and I can get rid of those things in favor of more balanced, tastier, more filling meals.

    Anyway, I’m going to share a secret with you:  I can cook. When I was a little girl I used to make concoctions in the kitchen. I helped my mom from an early age. When we were still getting our footing in KC after leaving Oregon, I used to whip up delicacies like souffle. Really, it was whipping eggs and tossing in some cheese and meat because eggs were cheap and we didn’t have much money, but I felt useful.

    So, here’s my first little “cookbook” on Spark People!

    Dinner at Its Best – A collection of happy, healthy, and hearty dinnertastic recipes!

    *sites: Hungry Girl, Weight Watchers, Spark People

    Category heart of the matter | Tags: , , | No Comments

  7. Vacation Week

    September 7, 2010 by Blondette

    I haven’t taken a full week off work since about 2006 or 2007. The most I’ve taken has been 3 days consecutively and was at the end of October 2009 when I moved into my house. It was days spent packing, trudging back and forth, up and down the stairs to the dumpster and my car – in the rain.

    Anyhow, I took a few days off in August as well (3 Fridays and 1 Monday) but I planned this lovely week off to just be. I hope I can allow myself to relax. And I hope my employer can allow me to relax.

    So, most people ask “what are you going to do?” Well, I’m going to read; I’m going to nap; I’m going to get up and sit on my couch and drink coffee; I’m going to clean; I’m going to decorate!

    My goal is to finally get my bedroom in a lovely state and “Autumn-ize” my house. Hopefully, I will have pictures for you soon.

    Category blah blah | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

  8. Revival

    September 6, 2010 by Blondette

    Give me that old-time religion,
    Give me that old-time religion,
    Give me that old-time religion,
    It’s good enough for me.

    It seems that Blondette has lost its brilliance. I don’t know if it’s due to the darker dalliance or if it’s simply a transitional time.

    Regardless, I seek to find that spark that once compelled me to point out how you might be Katie Leas, important life lessons, and how to win my love.

    I was perusing the Twitterverse when I came across a link to Brainzooming. The particular post that caught my fancy was “25 Blog Posts You Could Write Today.” Wah? Yes, friends. Yes, I can.

    A lot of what I write tends to be observation and reflection. I throw in the occasional list for comedic value, though my own fumbling somehow tends to be more amusing.

    Oh yes, the point, you ask? Well, I need to get back to my old-time religion! And by that of course I mean I need to write more frequently!

    Category heart of the matter, writing | Tags: | 1 Comment

  9. Identifying the Issue

    August 22, 2010 by Blondette

    I spend a lot of time being idealistic and thinking about what’s possible. The catch is that I think too much and act too little. Lately I’ve been realizing that part of my unhappiness is that I have no one to share my life with. (yep, that’s a preposition ending my sentence.) When I was growing up, I had my brother. In college, my roommates. But for the past 4 years, I’ve been living completely on my own. It definitely has its perks, but as time goes on, I miss having someone to come home to and chat with. Someone to wake up  to and chat with. Someone to watch the same program on television and share commentary. Someone to cook with, eat with, and do dishes for. I love my alone time but it seems far less fulfilling.

    Category heart of the matter | Tags: | 1 Comment

  10. Busy Bee

    August 22, 2010 by Blondette

    There are pieces of bookcase sitting on my living room floor. They’ve been there since yesterday morning when I dragged the box from the kitchen, tore it open (slowly) and removed the contents. I was fully intending to construct the bookcase yesterday, but after surveying the components and realizing that I needed to grab my tools from the closet (as if) I quickly lost motivation. Back  to the couch I went until it was time to meet Tammi for coffee at Starbucks. (yes, we still do that)

    Still sitting in my kitchen (gallantly propped against the dishwasher) is the box containing the bedside table that I really need to put together. I’m currently using a Rubbermaid container as my nightstand. It was okay for the first couple weeks, but let’s be honest, shouldn’t I have actual furniture by now? The answer is yes.

    I spent today lounging, napping, and reading. I feel only a sliver of guilt, but I do have to make sure I am mindful of getting proper rest. Oh, and I worked hard on Friday to clean and rearrange my house – to the determent of healing my broken toe. *note, if you break a toe, it’s probably not a good idea to shove it into shoes and move furniture within the first 2 weeks of healing. Unless you have one of these breaks where they tell you to shove it into shoes. (mine isn’t like that)

    Back to the rearranging of my house! Furniture rearranging is on my list of things that make me happy. It clears my chi. It’s refreshing.

    living room

    freshly vacuumed, dusted, and rearranged...ahh!

    Oh, and I’m officially closer to my 30th birthday than my 29th. (yesterday was my half birthday)

    Category blah blah | Tags: | No Comments

Older Entries
Newer Entries