Unconventionally Kate

***This anecdote occurs in the past***

Monday morning in our weekly staff meeting, I made a comment (okay, more than one but I try to make Staffing fun and interesting and not dry and boring, and I was trying to add value–and I like having an audience) regarding one key point in the chapter we were reading for this week’s Book Club. Our current selection is Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” (I’ve blogged about Monsieur Covey previously.) The item that stuck most in the chapter was the notion of creating a personal mission statement. Every business should be founded upon a mission statement, so why should a life be any different? I led the discussion last week and my comments were riddled with personal declarations and beliefs. I believe we have choices. We have control over our actions and reactions. I choose how something makes me feel (to an extent). I realized that I already have the cornerstone of my personal mission statement.

The chapter begins by asking the reader to picture his/her own funeral. Aside from the lovely flowers, the melody of “On Eagle’s Wings,” and scads of reporters (oh, didn’t you know, I’m going to be famous some day) the church pews would be stuffed with attendees. But what will they say about me?

“What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievement would you want them to remember? …What difference would you like to have made in their lives?”

Upon reading this, I listed (in red ink in my book so I was serious) words I’d want used about me.

• nurturing
• kind
• intelligent
• gracious
• vivacious
• bold
• reliable
• humble
• accepting
• positive
• proactive
• charming
• memorable
• compassionate
• generous

Covey says about the personal mission statement, “It focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based.”

Laying in bed surrounded by my furry family, I thought about what is important to me. It’s actually quite easy.

What I want to be (character): I want to be someone worthy of respect, trust, and love. I want to be compassionate and thoughtful. I want to be full of forgiveness and unconditional love, not just for others, but for myself. But I want to be strong and assertive. I want to find the balance between being compassionate, forgiving, and loving and being assertive. I want to be someone who values myself, but is humble. I want to be fun, funny, and interesting. I want people to seek out my ideas and opinions. I want to be creative and vivacious. I want to accept my faults, and make every effort to better myself. I must be earnest and genuine with myself and others.

What I want to do (contributions and achievements): I want to be the best friend, daughter, sister, and someday wife and mother I can be. That means making a positive difference in the lives of everyone around me. I find value in my impact and connection with others. It’s probably why I like to play hostess. I want to be successful in a career or two. I want to be a published writer. I want to be a teacher. I want to be the best and the smartest. I want to be memorable. I want to know that I meant something to someone and somehow made their life better.

the values or principles upon which being and doing are based: By what values and principles I abide: respect- for life, opinions, and differences, trust, responsibility, accountability, independence, interdependence, compassion, empathy, sympathy, integrity, loyalty, love, honesty, faith, hope, charity, forgiveness.

With those 3 building blocks I have basis for my personal mission statement.

Applying this mission with these founding three pieces is not easy. I struggle daily. For me, I find myself constantly battling my principles, questioning my beliefs. But the answer is always how I feel afterward. Has what I’ve done made me feel shame? If I feel anything but good about something, then I have not lived by my guidelines. I sometimes act in liberal manners but I always regret them because they do not match my vision of me. I falter and I question. I must consider always my principles and values and whether what I’m doing is in accordance with my mission; however, I sometimes question certain acts. This is not exclusive to me; this is human.

Clarity may be needed; just because something may not be right for me, does mean I think it is wrong for all, nor will I judge others for it. I open myself up to new experiences and some of them stick while others don’t. And that is okay.

There are items I’ve worked to overcome. I found myself seeking any male attention that was given for a few years, whether I felt anything or not. I was reckless. My behaviors didn’t fit my mission and I stopped them. Earlier this year, I stumbled and it was one of the most awful experiences of my life, but it serves to remind me and keep me from making that same mistake. But knowing what is at the core of that behavior, a need for attention, affection, and praise helps in stopping the behavior and keeping the promises I’ve made myself. I am unguarded with only a few people. People who have seen me at my worst and perhaps also at my best. People who, though they’ve seen the bad, still remain in my life. These people will always have my unconditional friendship and loyalty.

My personal mission statement:
I strive to be someone worth the gift of life. I strive to be true to myself and never put myself in a situation that causes me shame, guilt, pity, or self-loathing. I know that I have choices in everything I do and that while I cannot control everything (which I must accept) I can control my reaction and behaviors. I strive to make the lives of everyone around me brighter and happier through my own optimistic, hopeful personality; keeping in mind that I will be honest with myself and others. I want to ease the burden of others through unconditional friendship and love- helping them whenever they are in need. I will give openly and freely to others. I will not judge others. I will forgive. I will achieve my goals; career, family, and personal. I will find joy in each day and appreciate who I am. I will remember what I value in life.

I challenge each of you to create your own personal mission statement, to ask of yourself the 3 items I’ve answered. Who are you? Who do you wish to be? Are they the same person?

Be Sociable, Share!

•