Zen and the Art of Yelling With Your Boss

Admitting error is not always easy. Particularly when you thought you had already made it clear that the fault was yours. I’m an emotional, but controlled person. At least, I think I am. I refrain from yelling, crying, or reacting in an emotional manner 99.9% of the time when I could react quite differently. (Don’t get me wrong, I can throw a fantastic tantrum when I choose to. I present to the people exhibit “I hate St. Teresa’s Academy and want to go back to Park Hill”-let me rip up my uniform skirt and trash my room and beg and cry and scream. Yeah, that was a fun time.) I work in high stress conditions (I know cry you a river) and find myself in the face of confrontation, accountability, and decisiveness, problem solving-solution finding daily. It’s that double-edged sword I love and hate.

Lately, as I’ve progressed into management, I find myself included in conversations I was not previously allowed to add to. There is also a perception that I’m uncomfortable or upset in these situations. I wish I could broadcast to people that I’m really quite tough. I can handle being yelled at. I can handle reprimand. I can handle less than rosey truths, tough decisions and pressure. Yes, goodness gracious, I do have self-control in one area of my life. Praise be my emotions will not get the best of me! I even had to address this with my boss. “I make faces,” I said. “I’m usually just thinking.” and it may just be thinking wistfully of the lovely venti (skinny) vanilla latte that is sitting in the other conference room getting cold or that has already been consumed. (or I’m trying not to fart)

Today was a rare .01% day. I lost my cool.

Please note this isn’t titled yelling “at” your boss; no, it is yelling “with” your boss. That’s right. He yelled, I yelled, we yelled in unison. There were pigs in a blanket, dirt pudding, corn dogs, and juice boxes. (We even had Pin the Tail on the Donkey, but did not get to partake in the funness.)

Instead of storming out or brooding, I’m working through the emotion and channeling it into something productive. I also have a special talent for forgiveness and repentance and moving on. I once got yelled at in front of the entire staff during a Monday morning meeting. I can’t tell you how many people came up to me later and asked if I was okay. I remained calm and collected and resolute. I rose above. I knew the reality of the situation and what I could and could not control. In fact, I even went on to volunteer to lead the book club discussion and did a brilliant job. I wanted to show people that one can overcome and not be controlled by the temper and actions of another. I could easily have cried, crumbled, or walked out or hidden. I’m still proud of that day.

So here I sit wondering “where has my day gone?” (yes, that’s to the tune of Carrie Underwood’s song “Last Name”)–smelling my pants that have picked up an odd odor from my washing machine because I forgot to let the reservoir dry out between washings. Nearly 13 hours after arriving at the office, I am still organizing the chaos. (I did take a Silly String and Bouncy Ball break to decompress.)

I thrive in these situations. I like fixing things. And I just happen to have a few things that are in need of repair.

I’m a tough old bird. (really, I’d make a terrible Thanksgiving dinner) Do not underestimate me.

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