Is this self-indulgent? Maybe. I’m stressed and feeling really shitty about how I’ve treated people and responsibilities lately. But, I’ve also been averaging 20-25 hrs of sleep and 60-70 hrs of work per 5 day work week. I can’t shake my anxiety without medication–sometimes that is alcohol.
But it’s also part of being accountable. I’ve erred. So, here I stand to say, “world. family. friends. please forgive me so i can forgive myself.”
I find myself in constant anxiety over my imperfections, expectations, and mistakes. I feel like I’m not living up to who I claim and aspire to be.
Earnest
Loving
Helpful
Mature
Humble
Grateful
Funny
Powerful
Strong
Joyful
Compassionate
Genuine
Understanding
Passionate
Intelligent
Witty
Right now, I feel as though I am
Selfish
Flakey
Immature
Irresponsible
Weak
Neglectful
Idiotic
I owe people apologies. I feel that’s all my life consists of lately. That I felt I had to defend my integrity to mine own family–and I did–was hard.
Apologies:
Oma-for not letting you know how much it meant to me that you sent me your rings. I love them; I appreciated the gift greatly. I was sincere in our conversation.
Dad- for not saying thank you. For not trying.
Tara, Mark, Rob- for all my non-sense the past 2 or 3 weeks. And there’s been a lot.
Gracie- for not letting you play outside more. for not being home or attentive when I am home.
Mom-for not being able to help you.
Self-for not taking care.
I’m at that point where I all I can do is say “I’m sorry,” say a few prayers-and trust me I have, and learn from the experiences.
